List of Unsettling Things

Sei Shonagon list: napowrimo 9

An elderly woman reads the entire menu with her outside voice trying to decide what to order.

Seeing sad in the jazz, that is the music of my soul. 

A woman tries to talk with her coworker which results in unresponsiveness snd awkward silences.

Pouring out love on the undeserving.

A weird flutter of my heart seeing you after thirty years.

Waking up from a dream and thinking I’m still dreaming.

Wondering if life is just packed boxes filled with bubble wrap and memories.

Did they all die when the plane crashed and was anything that happened on the island real? #LOST 

Knowing that people who are supposed to love you,really don’t.

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?

Silently living the life as a motherless child. 

My untethered eating raw rabbit while I eat lobster. 

The sadness of children who have clipped wings. 

The word ‘mother’ doesn’t make someone a good one. 

Teaching my child about racism to ensure her safety in this dark world.

Loss is something the innocent keenly carry. 

Love comes into our life and sometimes has to leave. 

Chaotic Cohesiveness #napowrimo

Chaotic Cohesiveness ~Matrixity 

The clock ticked.

The clock tocked. 

Time traversed as the sun

Tangoed on it’s daily dance

Across the heavens. 

I ran after the disjointed 

Fragments of my life,

Trying to gather them

Into some sort of 

Chaotic cohesiveness.

The glue held in some places 

And failed in others.

Dreams and expectations 

Spilled in a tumbling stream

To sunken places. 

I dove in.

Deep.

I’m trying to find me.

I’m still swimming. 

——

Life throws curves at us all the time. Never give up! #life #chaos #poem

If Only #napowrimo 6

If Only

~Matrixity 

If only I was conceived in love and not in the hot, backseat of a car in adultish excitement and desperation to leave home. 
If only god had chosen a mother who wanted me and put me in the womb of that woman. 
If only my painful crowning at birth had somehow made me adorable and wanted and cute. And loved.
If only the thoughts of mother had not been, “what is that thing? What is that alien child? Did that come out of me?”
If only I knew a mothers’ love, her gentle touch, her caring looks. Remembrances and wonderfully special gifts on special days and holidays.
If only I had a mother who actually knew ME and not just the definition of me. Daughter. What does that mean? 
If only I could somehow be a favorite and not the outcast child. Just once. Just for five minutes. Could she possibly hug me? Tragically, it will. never. be. 
If only I could catch your eye just once before you die. Maybe. Just maybe I could be your little girl. If only I could catch your eye, maybe you could love me. 
If only…

It rained today

It rained today.#napowrimo day 2

He looked around His big, wide world.

Rivers of hate ebb and flow.

Babies cry tears of Roast beef and sweet bread;

Things their swollen bellies Will never have.

Inequality taints the coloursOf Neapolitan ice cream,

In delicious hues of tan And cocoa and chocolate.

It rained today.
Only the rich get richer.
Lottery wins are the dreams Of the poor. 

The poor get poorer. 

The marginal of society work.

They twerk for drugs and money. 

Babies cry for the comfort Of addicted mothers. 

It rained today.

Bullets steal the lives Of the innocent. 

Red blood gushes From the barrel of a gun. 

Cyber eyes steal the Innocence of children,

Preying on their unknowing, Dancing bodies.

It rained today.
He looked around His big, wide world,
Totally disgusted with man.

Swill, pain and garbage? 

This was not the plan.

How had depravity gotten so varied?

Gotten so far? 

It rained today.
He thought of a cleansing.
What should it be?

Send the four horsemen Flying high in the sky?

Check the immortal, angelic clock?

Was it time for another coming? 

Raise the dead to meet In the sky? 

He was not sure.

He hung his head. 

It rained today.
As He bowed His head, His eyes filled up.

Tears fell fast for Man’s feet of clay.

Rare, diamond tears rained down.

Grey clouds darkened the day.

I heard the meteorologist say,
“Better carry your umbrellas!”

It’s going to rain today. 

Winds of the World

NaPoWriMo Day 9 Prompt is a 9 line poem. I am using Magic 9

The winds of the world are gathering, inciting glee in the evils of old.
The lives of the innocent are forfeited daily.
Soulless men with shiny black eyes are harbingers of doom, most bold.
Mouths foam from gas as lungs deflate.
Sand painted blood red creates anguished wails just as in revelations foretold.
Rumors of war may not be rumors.
Are those the thundering hooves of the horsemen here to collect dark, empty souls?
Life has no value as rapists rape and murderers torture, all rather gaily.
Dark shadows loom over our world ringing bells in a cacophonous death toll.

I Found an Acorn in my Teacup

Day 7 Prompt: a poem about luck and fortuitousness

I found an acorn in my teacup and wondered how it faired. Was in put there by a small boy hiding outdoors from his brother? Was it put there by a young girl infatuated with her lover? What secret does the acorn hold in its placement in my cup? Would I have to consult the ocean to bring me clarity? And why such a thing be suddenly linked to tea?

I found an acorn in my teacup and wondered how I could be so lucky. Was it the luck of finding money folded in a purse not used in many months? Was it the luck of finding a winning fortune in my Chinese fortune cookie? Was it the luck of seeing money falling out of the pocket of a girl in tight pants? Were her cheeks offering me money, knowing I needed tea?

I found an acorn in my teacup and wondered about love. Would it always be a one-sided mystery fraught with tears and disappointment? Did love begin like the small seed acorn and then grow strong into a tree? Would I ever find my soulmate? You know, the one just for me? Would I spend my life mourning lovers and forever crying in my tea?

I found an acorn in my teacup and I thought, “lucky me!” Love, light and fleeting, like a small bird in flight will find me. Love, true and binding, lasting through time and space will be mine. Love will tangle our hearts and lives together like the glistening spider web. We will spoon and cuddle, ever close, in the small, warm kitty bed.

I found an acorn in my teacup and I thought, “lucky me!” Someday my luck will change. My happy tears will fall like diamonds in the glimmering sea. Joy and laughter will fill the air, forever following me. I’ll be loved and warmly cherished. I’ll be invited in for tea.

Recipe For A Man #napowrimo2017 #amwriting #amreading

Babies souls are a crapshoot, a mystery, a gamble.
The ding of life’s oven buzzer brings misery and misfortune.
Dark angels laugh and God lets evil run.
Rancid recipes are loose in the world.
They wait for the exact temperature to be ready.

Whisper Words on the Wind #amwriting #napowrimo #unicorns

Day 1 Prompt

Impossible thoughts come in the night and by the light of day they seem quizzical.  I ask the universe and she says, “yes.”  Action brings life to words best left in empty mind graves.  Darkness and the dry ash of bones are blown away with the whisper of words on the wind.  Unicorns leap and fart glitter rainbows.  The impossible is suddenly possible.  It is real and tangible.  Seize the reigns and ride your dreams to the far side of the moon.  Whisper loudly those impossible words to the wind.

When The Gray Birds Fly

NaNoWriMo #6

The day was gray and filled with clouds.

Birds flew against the white sky like silver flecks in a snow globe.

They say flocking birds fly taking souls to heaven.

The birds told me I was not in time.

I glanced at the flocking birds as numbness encapsulated my soul.

Disbelief crept into my thoughts as time was not on my side.

The birds flew higher with your soul as the silent ambulance flashed by.

Just days before our eyes met for the final time.

I knew it would not be long as gray had infiltrated you from the inside.

Gray clutched my heart and squeezed.

I knew you only had a little time.

You lay there warm and I stoked your hair, your face, your  hand.

I felt good as your suffering was gone.

I felt good as you were at peace in so many ways.

Gray silence was left in your wake.

Silence and the need for me to be strong.

The gray birds spirited away but you came back in a gossamer veil.

Like Lazarus you were transformed.  A new body, a new smile, eternal life.

You, the You, you could not be in life.

The better you, the happy you, that you could only be in death.

I was so happy to see you and know that things are better on the other side.

Cha-click-bang. Cha-click-bang.  Such an odd sound to awaken to,

It was you with one last message for me

Cha-click-bang. Cha-click-bang.  You demanded I get up out of a deep sleep.

Cha-click-bang. Cha-click-bang! I obeyed and went straight to your room.

As I walked that demanding whisper faded as alertness moved in.

Words you never told me, I heard for the first time whispered softly beneath the words of a song.

“I will always love you.”

I knew it was you talking to me for the last time.

It’s been six years since the gray birds flew.

Six years since that last whisper from you.

It will be a long time till we meet again.

That day will be gray and filled with clouds.

It will be a day when the flocking birds fly; fly my soul right up to heaven.

Until that day Dad…goodbye.

First Sight

the first sight of the first child
brings immeasurable joy.

a mothers’ love, fierce and one minded,
never waivers, never toys.

a precious girl, perfumed and sweet,
wearing the smile of angels,
reiterates what came before.
what every mother knows.

the first sight of the first child
brings immeasurable joy.