Day: April 6, 2019

Chaotic Cohesiveness #napowrimo

Chaotic Cohesiveness ~Matrixity 

The clock ticked.

The clock tocked. 

Time traversed as the sun

Tangoed on it’s daily dance

Across the heavens. 

I ran after the disjointed 

Fragments of my life,

Trying to gather them

Into some sort of 

Chaotic cohesiveness.

The glue held in some places 

And failed in others.

Dreams and expectations 

Spilled in a tumbling stream

To sunken places. 

I dove in.

Deep.

I’m trying to find me.

I’m still swimming. 

——

Life throws curves at us all the time. Never give up! #life #chaos #poem

If Only #napowrimo 6

If Only

~Matrixity 

If only I was conceived in love and not in the hot, backseat of a car in adultish excitement and desperation to leave home. 
If only god had chosen a mother who wanted me and put me in the womb of that woman. 
If only my painful crowning at birth had somehow made me adorable and wanted and cute. And loved.
If only the thoughts of mother had not been, “what is that thing? What is that alien child? Did that come out of me?”
If only I knew a mothers’ love, her gentle touch, her caring looks. Remembrances and wonderfully special gifts on special days and holidays.
If only I had a mother who actually knew ME and not just the definition of me. Daughter. What does that mean? 
If only I could somehow be a favorite and not the outcast child. Just once. Just for five minutes. Could she possibly hug me? Tragically, it will. never. be. 
If only I could catch your eye just once before you die. Maybe. Just maybe I could be your little girl. If only I could catch your eye, maybe you could love me. 
If only…

Cinnamon Tree Villanelle #napowrimo 5

Cinnamon tree, graceful and free We meet just once in a while. 
Where shall we meet again, in thunder, lightning or rain? 
The spice in your smile is magic to me.

Who wooed in haste, and means to wed at leisure?
I wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at. 
Cinnamon tree, graceful and free 
We meet just once in a while. 

The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief.
This is the short and the long of it. 
The spice in your smile is magic to me.

Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand? 
How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man’s eyes.
Cinnamon tree, graceful and free 
We meet just once in a while. 

Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Who could refrain, 
That had a heart to love, and in that heart 
Courage to make love known?
Cinnamon tree, graceful and free 
We meet just once in a while. 
The spice in your smile is magic to me.